Whether the conflict is around money or the conflict is really about determining the extent of care for the aging loves ones. These are the two primary areas that receive the greatest frequency of conflict.
Understand the nature of the conflict is what is vital in family conflicts and hopefully you can get some guidance from a Social Worker in the hospital where your loved one is at, or another professional that has been around the family for some time and assist with resolving the conflict. In my previous home visits, it was quite common to find out the conflict is frequently something that has been going on for years and when faced with another challenge in making big decisions for your aging loved one, it can bring more frequent conflicting and many times, keep families apart.
Generally, it is the oldest sibling who perhaps lives closest to the aging loved one, or it may be the youngest who may not have a spouse or little ones at home, or the one who has power of attorney. In either of these cases, one may feel they have more control since they may be the one who has spent more time with the aging loved one. Usually, the sibling with the power of attorney that is unlimited on what they can decide have full control; however, to maintain the best relationship with the family it is best that the appointed power of attorney show the other family members of how the money is spent, and where it is spent. In the case where there is a family member who does not want to get involved with the decision making, it would still be in the best interest of the family that copies of the accounting be handed to everyone.
Making a decision of whether to hire a caregiver to care for your loved one in the home, being approved home health through the primary care physician, placing in an assisted living or rotating within the family to help with the care is a decision that should be made without bringing up past resentments. Your loved ones care is what matters so being in the present with the care the family physician is recommending, is dependent upon being able to put aside the differences and focus on the care needed. Also, being cautious when discussing within your family a care plan (hopefully your aging loved one is able to be involved and agree)that your loved one is not listening to the arguing as this may not make them feel better about losing their independence that is already difficult for the aging person.